Saturday 25 February 2012

Time and space revisted


I was thinking the other day about what other photos i had for this project and i relised that I had already done a similer project as my 1st assignment at Uni. We were given a brief which gave the detials that we had to go out in Bath and photograph what our perception of the city was. It couldn't be the traditional tourist shots we see constantly as this is a heritage city. So thinking about it long and hard, I thought, I grew up here, my life, my memories are all here, so my perception is already different to the tourist and to the new students who had only arrived in the city a few days/weeks earlier. So on approaching the idea that I would document my memories as my perception of Bath. This project was done over the course of 4 weeks, and it was my 1st expereince of using an anolouge SLR. So as well as doing the project I had a crash course in using the camera which lead to lots of mistakes but also joy when my flim came out unscated. This on reflection has created a lot of memories from the dark room, printing, and general crying over the incident of the flim not coming out. Below are the images I took on a Pentax K100 with the detials as to what they represent to me.








I hadn't set out to take photo of a memorial bench, however the wording on it made sense at the time as I was remebering friends some still around, some have moved away and some who have passed away. As teenagers we would sit on benchs in one particual street in Bath and "hang out". Caused lots of mischeif and mayhem.. but SHHHHHHhhhhh (you didn't hear that from me)


Another photo from my teenage yrs if you couldn't guess. Doesn't really need much explantion as its all there, But the difference with this is that it was in the actaul place and that view, my old house sits around the corner and this place was my escape and refuge. IT was also a great place to be with friends.

My old school, I actaully went back to my old senior school, (with permisson of course) luckly its not far from where i live now, but at the time it was miles away and the ironic thing is, my son will be attending this school soon. I sat in my old classroom pulled out a book, and sat in my old spot, was a very strange surreal de ja vu, the only thing missing was the noise of teenage girls bitching.

This is trying to recapture the idea of me as a child playing in the grounds of victoria park. Wasn't very succesful as my darling son decided he was bored. Victoria park is a huge part of my childhood as explained in prevoius blogs. Its funny to think that I now take my own children there, creating new memories all the time.

For this photo I was showing how my love for photogrpahy developed living in this city,. You see cameras everywhere here, everyother person is a tourist even more in the summer,. So it wasn't really a suprise that I grew up with camera envy. I remeber asking for a polarid camera one christmas, however this thing was huge and the flim was exspensive, but the coolist feature of this camera wasn't the fact that the prints were instant, but this camera talked.. seroiusly, with great pharses such as, "When i say Chedder, you say CHEESE"  <<<shudders!!!!






 

 This was to show me trying to sneak a peak at the football ground to watch the matches that took place every saturday, at the time Bristol Rovers played here, and they were in the height of sucess. the atmosphere was great. But I wan't allowed to go on my own so I had to peak through, over and under. from this angle i could see the goal line. better then nothing. This was also the gate that I smashed up my anle on when we decedied to go sledging one winter with 6 of us on a piece of plastic. 60mph down a steep hill. hmmmm not the best decion i've ever made.



 
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Saturday 18 February 2012


Just a few photos from my journal
as i havent added any yet other then my birth memories.

These should have been in black and white, but for some reason they have reverted back to orignal





































IF anyone is intrested to see what waca day was all about heres  link. its not me on here .. thankgod this is tamer then what i was subjected too. And i did end up with the plaster on my chin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUfv-tAfXn4

and this is the link for the children in need song, sad thing is ive been looking for this for 10 yrs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hy-dGGxuCaA













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Some intresting info i came across today, it explains the difference between trying to recall memory and the time when things jump into our mind, I know which one applies to me the most, what about you?


Involuntary memory is a conception of human memory in which cues encountered in everyday life evoke recollections of the past without conscious effort. Its binary opposite, voluntary memory, is a deliberate effort to recall the past. The term was coined by French author Marcel Proust. From this philosophical root, involuntary memory has become a part of modern psychology.
Although involuntary memory is commonly connected to the literature of Marcel Proust, it had long before been recognized by psychologists, most notably, the pioneering memory researcher Hermann Ebbinghaus. Writing about it in the first scientific study of memory, Ebbinghaus described the basis of both involuntary and voluntary memory, providing a groundwork for generations of memory researchers that followed.

Involuntary memory (fr. souvenir involontaire) is a concept made famous by the French writer Marcel Proust in his novel In Search of Lost Time (or Remembrance of Things Past), although the idea was also developed in his earlier writings, Contre Sainte-Beuve and Jean Santeuil. It is, thus, sometimes referred to as "Proustian memory."
Proust contrasts involuntary memory with voluntary memory. The latter designates memories retrieved by "intelligence," that is, memories produced by putting conscious effort into remembering events, people, and places. Proust's narrator laments that such memories are inevitably partial, and do not bear the "essence" of the past. The most famous instance of involuntary memory by Proust is known as the "episode of the madeleine," yet there are at least half a dozen other examples in In Search of Lost Time including such distinct memories produced by the scent of a public lavatory on the Champs-Élysées.[citation needed]
The function of involuntary memory in the novel, however, is not self-evident.[weasel words] It has been argued[who?] that involuntary memory unlocks the Narrator's past as the subject of his novel, but also that he does not, for example, begin writing until many years after the episode of the madeleine. Other critics have suggested that it is not the recovery of the past, per se, that is significant for the Narrator, but rather the happiness produced by his recognition of the past in a present moment. Maurice Blanchot in Le Livre à venir points out that involuntary memories are empyreal and poignant, and cannot effectively support a sustained narrative. He notes that the difference between Proust's uncompleted Jean Santeuil and In Search of Lost Time is that voluntary memories provide the connective tissue between such moments, making up the vast bulk of the narrative of the later novel.[improper synthesis?]
A possible contemporary influence on Proust's conception of involuntary memory may have been his cousin-in-law, the French philosopher Henri Bergson, who, in Matter and Memory (1906), made a distinction between two types of memory, one, the habit of memory as in learning a poem by heart, and two, the spontaneous memory that stores up perceptions and impressions,[dubious ] which later reveals itself in sudden flashes. Critique of Proust in the last quarter century, however, has tended to discount the influence of Bergson on Proust's ideas.


In psychological research, involuntary memory was systematically studied by Soviet psychologists who investigated primarily the interrelation between specific human activity (other than deliberate remembering), the place of the material to be remembered, and the qualitative and quantitative characteristics of recall. The pioneer of the research in this field was the student of Vygotsky and Leont'ev, and one of the leading representatives of the Soviet school of psychology, Pyotr Zinchenko, who published the results of his study as early as 1939. The distinction between involuntary and voluntary memory (i.e. such memory that results from deliberate memorization as opposed to memory as a by-product of other, non-mnemonic activity) was subsequently developed by such Soviet psychologists as Smirnov, Istomina, Shlychkova, and particularly, by such representatives of Kharkov School of Psychology as P. Zinchenko, Repkina, Sereda, Bocharova, Ivanova, &c.
Soviet research on involuntary memory significantly influenced psychological research in the West. A wide range of European and North American studies on involuntary remembering in children (e.g. by Meacham, Murphy and Brown, Sophian & Hagen, Schneider, Reese, Ivanova & Nevoennaya, Mistry, Rogoff & Herman) demonstrated viability and promise of the activity-based model of human memory.

Despite the early recognition of involuntary memory, such as by Ebbinghaus, mainstream (experimental) psychology neglected its study for a century, focusing more on voluntary and other types of memory. Near the end of the twentieth century, however, the concept was reintroduced to memory researchers by Linton (1986), Schacter (1987), and Schank (1982). The first scientific studies were conducted by Berntsen (1996) and Richardson-Klavehn, Gardiner, and Java (1994); Then, more recently, by Ball and Little (2006), Kvavilashvili and Mandler (2004), and Mace (2004).
Scientific psychological interest in the topic of involuntary memory is a bit different from the interests of other circles (e.g., literary or psychoanalytic) in that, generally, scientific circles are attempting to understand the basic nature of everyday involuntary memories (including their possible functions), as well as use of them to learn more about the basic functioning of autobiographical memory (including voluntary memory, see Mace, 2007, for a review of the past ten years of research).


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Involuntary_memory  18th Feb 2012


Wednesday 15 February 2012

Reliving the past



 i was thinking today about when do i remeber things is it when i look at a photo here a song or see a place ive been before, and the answer is proberly yes to all the above, but most of the time (usally when i have noone screaming at me, so bedtime as i am about to go to sleep) That when my memories hit me, the biggest memories at this time will be the events i wish i could change, what i could have said differently, i suppose you could call it unresolved events that given the time again i would do differently, during these meories I can zone out completely as if i am reliving it, and i can mentally change the situation for my own satisfataction. Sounds slightly worrying huh! but I think it my brains way of trying to plan out for future. so if it was to happen again i could stand up for myslef etc..



Monday 13 February 2012

True or False


I was reading the comments on the facebook group and a point was raised between Zoe and Tom about how we retain some memories and not others. It got me thinking about a certain "memory" I have but I dont know if it a true memory or my brain has tried to fill in the gaps for that time in my life.

As explained before at 6 I got his my a cricket ball, and from that moment on I couldn't really remember anything before the icident. This memeory has only been around for a few years, and I don't know if I can fully trust it, as i have got older my mum has told me about places we have lived and what these places looked like, so I have to ask myslef true or not.

The memory itself, is me sitting in what i think is our living room, sat on floor, stareing at the window. Knowing i am not allowed to go near the window because we are high up. The room itsself is dark I cant make out any detials, but the window is bright so its daytime, and where i am looking at the light the rest of the room goes dark. now is this something I have learnt over time, partly yes i know now thats what happens when we look at light objects, but i wouldnt have at the time.

The intresting thing about this memory is that I had no recolation of it, then I moved oppisite the block of flats that I had lived in as a toddler, did this trigger it, or have I made it up ??????



Some intresting reading about false memories below


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_memory_syndrome
http://neurobonkers.com/2011/05/26/study-demonstrates-false-memories-implanted-via-advertising/
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2003/dec/04/science.research1
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/08/080819160245.htm


On another note, I seem to be finding it easier to blog then update my journal, so will use my blog as my main place for ideas etc, then pasted it all into my journal.

Saturday 11 February 2012

Memory book continued


Daniel exploring Discovery cove, meeting Goofy and the stingray pool me and Dan went swiming in.



Meeting the dolphins, One of the best photos ever. It was amzing to get so close.



Daniels 1st day at school and the obilgatry photo.



The walk to school, I had injured my knee a few days before so was on cruches. Daniel was keen and exicted, He soon found the Train track, happy as anything, that enthuism didn't last long and it started to become a struggle to get him to school.



My wedding. I don't really want to get into this to much as the marraige didnt last long,. but it was part of my history. I love this photos as shows my family in better times


                                 Daniel and Emily having a kiss, Friends, and me and my mum

Dressing up days. Daniel at his 1st Navity play as a robin. And Bob the builder. I made the costume for school.


1st sports day,. Daniel was happy to participate for a while but soon got bored and went off and sulked in the long grass. this was to become a regular occurence. You can also see him here cheering on his auntie who was in the same class.


Annabelles birth. The 2nd most important day of my life. IT took 2 long and painful years for her to arrive. thoughout my pregnancey I suffered terrible morning sickness called hyperemiss as bad as the 1st time with Daniel and was in and out of hospital. Once i got over this i then developed SPD which is a condition with the pelvis making it very difficult to walk, I was off work for the whole 9 mths, and was using a walking stick. Once again I was admitted to hospital for high blood pressure, but they decided to monitor me rather then iduce me.withing 2 hrs of being admitted my waters broke and Anna decided that mummy was already in hospital so she may as well come then. 3 hrs later she was here. No body was expecting her to come 2 weeks early, called Daniel the following morning to tell him he was a big brother. he was very happy. I have a lot more memotos from her birth which i will explore next


Meeting Daniel and Nana for the 1st time.


Some additional photos. During my documenting of the book during the project Annabelle decided to join in and "help" she loves to look at photos of her and Daniel. In this photo shes couldn't understand that it was me in the photo she kept saying "No, Annabelle" so this process has become a memory in itself.


My box of photos. This our my life. There are so many more memories in here and i have said for many years i need to put them in albums soon.
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Memory book


Memory Book

My personal visual Journal I Started at the age of 16 with the intention to help me in old age. See previous blog for detials.






My memory book, This was given to me by my sister about 6 years ago, after she went ti India to teach English to children. I liked the book so much I transfered all my photos into it.


My birth, My mum and me as a newborn, and my grandad and me as a todler in Victora park, Bath.


The picture on the botton right hand corner was taken at my auntie and uncles wedding, where I am wearing a hideous 80's bridesmaid dress, I remember being so excited at being a bridesmaid, but ended up being bored out of my brain, nice thing about this photo is my nan is still with us here,. the other 3 photos are my expereinces with a camera. I went to Holland with my school at about 9/10 yrs old, these were the memories i took away, Looking at the photos now, I relise , they were not all that bad, for a 9 yr olds 1st go. So many memories from Holland, maybe a whole blog dedicated to that?


Ok so now I am going to show my age, Anyone remember Wac-a-day. well my at the tender age of 9 my wonderful mother got me on the show. IT was broadcasted in the morning, and my whole class got to watch it as a "treat", embrassing, got the p**S taken out of me for years. I had to wear a toga, and odd sandels. strange set up that it was.


There is also a video of the event, as well as me with my mouth wide open (singing in a choir) on national tv during children in need. Thanks gramps , luckly as video players are far and few between this dsnt get shown anymore.

1st day of senior school. dancing competion, 1st trip aboard to Spain, also the stage my mum made me and my sister dress like twins. And school mates.



Tigger, my best friend though some difficult times, he used to follow me to school and walk me home again. My big sister, our 1st meeting, We share a dad, but I didnt know about her until I was 12. My 1st concert, I'm not saying who it was, but one of the main singers died recently, so its a bit of a sad photo.



Last day of school. My class.
Pre birthday drinks with friends for my 18th,


MY 18th birthday party at the litten tree, a very strange event, my ex chasing after a male friend (with a knife) because he danced with me (was meant to be fun). Got very drunk, and my coz in this this photo fell down the stairs, broke her ankle and was banned from seing me for a year as i was  bad infulence. Apprantly lol.


I won a competion to have a makeover at a photo studio in Birmingham shortly after my 18th. Took 4 hrs in hair and make up (explains a lot). The photos were taken in a huge studio with about 20 seperate booths, divided my curtains, felt very uncomfertable.




Daniel's birth page. The day I became mummy. I was induced 2 weeks early due to high blood pressure, was told it could take 3 days to get going. But Daniel was keen to get out and it all kicked off in about 20 mins, I was in labour for 14 hrs in total, and got told off for screaming. Although how i managed to scream is beyond me as i had gas and air nozzle wedged between my teeth thoughout. That stuff is wonderful make you feel drunk.


One of my favorite photos of me Daniel in the early days. I was at my happiest place after his birth.



The above photo above shows my son at a few days old, laying next to my sister Emily who is 10 days older, with other sister and brother, the midwifes thought it was great having a mum and daughter in a maternity ward at the same time. My siblings will hate the fact that I have this photo on public veiw. The 2nd photo shows my sons amazment at Bristol aquiram.


My son and sister at pixi studio for their 1st christmas photo session. The last time I think he smiled for the camera.

                                1st birthday party, not many recolations from this day, strangly.

                                         1st steps at daddy's house and fun at the fair.


                            One of my 1st photos that I relised I wasn't to shabby with a camera.


Swimming with dolphins, the 2nd best experince of my life to date. The dolphins were made to swim really fast in a circle around us, as he did so he clipped my thigh leaving a bruise which lasted 3 weeks.The place was called discovery cove, it was amazing like a tropical isalnd in the middle of Florida the dolphins were so well looked after and all they wanted to do was play.




Memories from Florida, meeting tigger and pooh, and the ride that terrified me, dropping 14 floors in seconds leave your stomach at the dorr or say goodbye to it on the way down. I came of shaking.





 Watching the Whales and Dolphins at Sea World Florida. As well as Daniel modeling his micky mouse ears, I got his name embrodeid at the back and also bought my baby sister a pink set with her name too.


Check out Memory book continued for more photos................................................